7

It seems that this down market is really fucking my life, I haven't had a job in 3 months. I am probably going to end up being a bike messenger all over again, assuming my bridges are completely burned. I walked away from the same company 3 times now without any warning, in the middle the day. But then again, its my employer, we all have short memories, its not like we dated. The down market is really fucking that industry up also. I can assume that I will probably be making 250 bucks a check riding my bike 45 hours a week in the snow. That's about 1000 dollars a month. That's right around half of what I used to make 2 years ago doing the exact same job. I ride slower now too which doesn't help. It's not that I don't want to be fast or that I'm not fast. I am fast. I get tired fast, but I can force myself to keep the pace.

Things change when people die. It never leaves you. Ever. It makes me sad thinking about those events. The thought of "it could have been you" never goes away. You have a constant reminder. I try my hardest to avoid certain intersections. I have been to 18th and Clark a total of two times, since my friend died there. I only stopped to pay a visit. I never plan on crossing that intersection for any other reason. I stayed on the sidewalk.

Back to the grind. The slow slow slow Grind. I could be sad, with everything that's happening this year, and I am some of the time. But everything really is alright, I am alive, and at the end of the day, it's only heartbreak, and she was only a girl, and it's only work, and it's only today. Tomorrow will be better. You gotta have a short memory to survive.