10

I haven't been on my bike in a while now. It really has nothing to do with the weather, I just haven't felt the need to be riding so much. I have ridden 4 bikes to their death now, all because of these brutal Chicago winters. I remember them all. One was a Canondale mountain bike. It was real nice, I killed it in the winter of 2005. I gave it to my friend Adrian. That same winter I destroyed a Schwinn world tour road bike. I bought my first track bike that spring. I loved that bike and so did everyone else. I put an incredible amount of blood sweat and tears into that fucker. A lot of money too. A lot of wear and tear. That bike died the next winter. Everything on it frozen from the salt. I remember I used to call it my technicolor dream bike. The next bike I got was a Trek 1000 road bike. I road that fucker to its death also. My friend Ivan has it now. That bike was also another great ride. I took it with me to NYC, and road it in an alleycat race, where I nearly got dead last. I road it to wisconsin to my friends Cabin. I wish I still had it. I wish I still had all my bikes. I am down to one. A thrasher. Everytime I ride I feel like I married the wrong girl. Like I should have taken better care of the other ones.

It gets me around though.

This baby is going to die too, just like everything else in this city that I touch.

It's funny, I know nobody comes here to read this shit, so I almost don't care about what I am writing. It feels like a 3rd grade essay, and I wish I could tell great stories about all my bikes, and I am sure I can, but I won't. Another day.

?

The weather is beautiful. It really it is. The colder it gets the more real everything else becomes. Especially when you are on the bike. Separating the Men from the stupids.

7

It seems that this down market is really fucking my life, I haven't had a job in 3 months. I am probably going to end up being a bike messenger all over again, assuming my bridges are completely burned. I walked away from the same company 3 times now without any warning, in the middle the day. But then again, its my employer, we all have short memories, its not like we dated. The down market is really fucking that industry up also. I can assume that I will probably be making 250 bucks a check riding my bike 45 hours a week in the snow. That's about 1000 dollars a month. That's right around half of what I used to make 2 years ago doing the exact same job. I ride slower now too which doesn't help. It's not that I don't want to be fast or that I'm not fast. I am fast. I get tired fast, but I can force myself to keep the pace.

Things change when people die. It never leaves you. Ever. It makes me sad thinking about those events. The thought of "it could have been you" never goes away. You have a constant reminder. I try my hardest to avoid certain intersections. I have been to 18th and Clark a total of two times, since my friend died there. I only stopped to pay a visit. I never plan on crossing that intersection for any other reason. I stayed on the sidewalk.

Back to the grind. The slow slow slow Grind. I could be sad, with everything that's happening this year, and I am some of the time. But everything really is alright, I am alive, and at the end of the day, it's only heartbreak, and she was only a girl, and it's only work, and it's only today. Tomorrow will be better. You gotta have a short memory to survive.

6

Today I get to teach kids Oragami in my friends class room. I am going to talk in an asian accent, and see how long I can get away with it. I know as much about Oragami, as you do, assuming you know nothing.

Ok I won't do that.

35 days until the Inauguration.

get up stand up.

5

How surreal has my life gotten? Today I picked up my little sister from school. I had dinner with my mother, my sister, my cousin, my aunt, and my niece. I didn't go out for the bears game.

I am slowly becoming nothing, and feeling more free than ever. I have barely anything anymore, and I have to figure out who to give all my worldly materialistic possessions to when I fucking leave this cold city. I have decided to leave for 5 years, and return with my head straight. I'll be 30 by then. I want to get 30 countries before I am 30. So far I have been to 3. 27 to go. I have my vinyl collection, and my art, and this computer. None of them are coming with me where I am going. I have already given my dvd collection to Yoshi. My books, I can leave them for my sister.

I am taking my bike and clothes. A journal and a pen. A camera too.

This year has been filled with lessons. Some that will sting for a long time, but I couldn't trade anything in for another 5 years of life. Regret is being human, and I would rather be dead than to never know at all.

I could add these 2 cool phrases to my cool phrase collection. One is from Fight Club, and the other I heard from someone...who knows.

1. It's when you have nothing that you can do anything.

2. It is what you experienced, not what you have accomplished.

Over and out,
David

4

I didn't think that At 24 I would catch myself running away from home, but here I am. I should have never came back in the first place.

3

No one will find me here. My myspace is idle.

Waiting for tomorrow because today sucked.

2

For the first time in a while, my sister, my brother and I all slept under the same roof. My brother came back home today. We said hello, something tells me one of us will disappear before either of us can say goodbye. It feels like The Royal Tenenbaums.

1

I am David Beltran. I wonder who will find me here.