Saturday July 11, 2009

I am about to get on a plane. In a few hours I will be on the east coast. Another day of partying and drinking, hot doug's and Tif (both are intoxicating). I remember being in love for 3 years with one girl, and looking back I can't imagine why. As the days go by, and I forget everything about her and the more I start to fall in love with everyone. The picures online were deleted along time ago, but now everything is coming undone, and I feel fine. The heartshaped spoke card of her face in my rear wheel is gone. I didn't take it, it rotted off. 3 years of snow and salt. Symbolic, yes...nothing more though. For anyone who rides a bike, especially a messenger/ ex messenger, we all know spokecards are for fallen messengers, races, and girlfriends. I might as well have had a ring on my finger. The shirt with her face on it, was left at the beach, I could have turned around and got it...I no longer wonder what she does, or where she is at. All I care about is everything else. I feel horrible, only to think that I gave three years to her and gave up three quality years to everyone else. Now I know her sister, she is wonderful. Now I met Tif, only cuz I was gushing over Kirsten...Now I gush for everyone. I don't see myself giving it all to one person again. I can't. I love everyone too much. Though I do prioritize my time with perticular persons.... I am in love with them all. A girl in Seattle, my best friend in L.A, my best friend in NY, my little sister, my ex girlfriends sister, my best friends little sister and her twin sister, and her minion of friends, A girl who serves hot dogs, A girl who serves coffee, The two beautiful brothers and everyone on that block, Monday night dinners, everyone and everything that came across my eyes, I love it all. Its soo damn beautiful, it really is. its overwhelming, its everything good. It is soooo damn good. I never felt more alive in the city. I feel free for once, and truly in love. I can remember you pressing my index on your rotten tooth, I remember the sweaty hug at the party, I watched you outside waiting for Nicole, The way your hair fell across your shoulders reminds of the way you smile everytime you walk away after bringing me sausages, I remember your head on my shoulder as we smoked a pack of cigarettes, You told me to play the killers but I didn't. I love that you can't see when you're drunk, literally. I love our phone calls, remembering your ex boyfriend, our times sneaking out to Burger King, and hiding the evidence from him. I love all the candy you ate, and the face he would make watching you. I love Peter Frampton after sex. I may have played that with every girl now. You used to quot the line from Reality Bites, everytime. I remember you working at the bar, you. I watched you, you made 30 dollars. You cried the first time I met you, you were so drunk, I remember our first dinner. I remember sharing my bed with you, we never slept together, but we always joke about how we're going to end up married, I remember a kiss in a hot tub, and you are a boy, I remember you puking in my bed, I remember when we first met, we were young and you had braces, I remember spikes in your hair, I remember The Smashing Pumpkins, Our first drink, my first kiss, I remember.....everything, I remember it all, its happening all the time, constantly in my head. I feel it in my heart, and it never changes...its good.

Do you feel like I do?